


It's about caring

by Meriani



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, spoilers for past season 3 of the anime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:54:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25427278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meriani/pseuds/Meriani
Summary: Written for Jearmin week 2020 day 8 – Getting caught.Mikasa walks in on Jean and Armin at the wrong moment and some anxiety and several discussions ensue.Might contain spoilers about the later part of the manga (around chapter 100) and season 4 of the anime !
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Jean Kirstein
Comments: 7
Kudos: 50





	It's about caring

**Author's Note:**

> It’s more “being walked in on” than “getting caught”, but I hope it still fits the prompt... I’m not that happy with this piece but I have written it, so I might as well post it.

He was distracted, not really listening to what Jean was saying, letting his thoughts and gaze wander as the other spoke. He liked how expressive the young man’s face was when he talked, the way his hands moved. And his eyes. Those familiar, narrow hazel eyes.

Armin tried to gather his attention back. They had plenty of work and certainly did not need him daydreaming. The two of them were sitting on either side of the desk, in the small room Jean had been allotted as an office when he had gone up the ranks. He’d been working a lot recently, and so did Armin on his side of things. As a consequence, they hadn’t had much time to themselves of late, at least, not when they weren’t both too exhausted to do more than mumble a few words to each other. This time Armin had offered Jean to help him out, having been freed of his own tasks for the day.

“Armin?”

Damn. His thoughts had wandered again. Jean had stopped talking and was watching him with a strange expression on his face.

“Ah! Sorry, I was distracted!”

“I noticed that. What was so distracting that you couldn’t even listen to what I was saying?” His smile was contradicting what his words were saying. He must have had a good guess on the answer. No wonder, as Armin had been staring at him for some time now.

Armin looked aside, feeling his cheeks grow hot.

“So? What’s the distraction?”

Armin was tempted to answer “Nothing” but Jean’s slightly smug smile made him decide otherwise. He looked up and planted his eyes in Jean’s:

“You are.”

He looked surprised. Probably hadn’t expected such a direct answer. Before he could say anything to that, Armin spoke again.

“Sorry. It’s ok now. I’m listening. What were you saying?”

Jean raised an eyebrow at such a blatant way of avoiding diving further into the subject, but didn’t say anything and went back to what they were examining before Armin had zoned out.

They were barely fifteen minutes in when Armin noticed that he wasn’t paying attention anymore. Again. He was about to apologize – what, by the Walls, was wrong with him today?! – when it occurred to him that Jean had been silent for some time already. The taller young man was watching him fondly, head cocked sideways and resting on his hand, with that expression that made Armin melt inside whenever it was directed at him.

The corners of Jean’s mouth lifted up a little.

“Am I that fascinating?”

There was a playful hint in his voice that made Armin’s cheeks take on some of the color that had barely had time to leave them since the first time.

“Ah, sorry. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I just can’t seem to be able to concentrate.”

“Armin, you know you don’t need to help me. You can go get some rest until the meeting in a few hours.”

“No! I’m fine. I really want to help.” He paused, hesitated, and then went on. “It’s just, ah, I can’t seem to keep some stuff at bay today.”

“That’s precisely why I’m telling you you shouldn’t feel obligated to help me. Maybe rest would do you good.”

“No.” Armin answered, this time more firmly. “I need to do something.”

Jean watched him intently for a few seconds then rolled his eyes.

“Okay. If you say so.” He conceded in a voice that made clear he didn’t agree.

He got up and circled the desk to join Armin on the other side of it. His expression had grown soft again.

“But, maybe we should both take a break before we go back to work” he suggested.

Something in his eyes made Armin’s heart skip a beat as he accepted the outreached hand that hauled him to his feet.

“Maybe.” He answered as Jean pulled him closer, still holding one of his hands in his. He longed for what the other was offering but the more careful part of his mind was trying to prevent him from indulging into it. He couldn’t. He shouldn’t. He didn’t deserve it.

But for once, it got overwhelmed by a simple, more basic need to feel close and he pushed all of the doubts back. He closed the gap between them and Jean’s arms wrapped around him as he did the same. He felt him sight in satisfaction, face buried into his hair.

“By the Walls, I’ve missed that.”

So had Armin. He lifted his head. What he saw in Jean’s eyes seemed to mirror his own feelings. He raised his hand and lightly combed through his partner’s hair. Jean leaned his head into the touch briefly, eyes closed, then, turned his face down toward Armin’s.

As they kissed, Armin felt Jean’s arm tighten around him, pulling him even closer, while his own hand was still on his cheek. Warmth pooled inside of him as his eyes slid shut.

“Jean! Hange’s looking for you, they say it’s…”

Mikasa’s voice stopped dead in the middle of her sentence, her hand still on the door she’d just opened.

Armin jumped out of Jean’s embrace as if he’d been burned, feeling his cheeks turn a deep shade of red. He was scrambling to get his thoughts back together and find how to react when he heard Jean’s annoyed voice.

“Can’t you knock?!”

His face was also very red and his words an obvious attempt to regain some composure.

“Ah, sorry.” Mikasa also seemed embarrassed, a rare sight in her. She was slowly backing away, as she added quickly: “The Commander wants us all in their office as quickly as possible. They’ve got important news.”

Jean sighted. “We’ll be right there.”

The young woman nodded once, tried to meet Armin’s gaze and failing to do it, added one quiet “Sorry” before closing the door behind herself.

Armin groaned, hiding his face in his hands.

_Why?_

* * *

Jean watched the door close behind Mikasa and sighted heavily. Beside him, Armin groaned and hid his face in his hands, dropping into his chair as if his legs couldn’t bear him anymore.

He rubbed at his face, looked at Armin again. Dismay and consternation warred on his face. Jean didn’t know how to feel either. He was fairly sure Mikasa wouldn’t mind but that didn’t really help. That was one of the worst ways possible for her to find out.

“Is it going to be alright?”

Armin glanced at him and hesitated, chewing his lower lip. “Yes. I think. Mikasa’s not the kind to care about such things.”

“I’m glad to hear you think so, too, but I was talking about you. You look terrified.”

Armin stared blankly into the emptiness for a second then crossed his arms on the desk and buried his face into them.

“That was so embarrassing. What are we going to do?”

Jean felt his heart tighten in his chest. He took a few steps until he was right beside the young man.

“Armin.” He said gently, carefully searching for his words “There’s nothing we _need_ to do. It’s embarrassing, but it should be fine. Mikasa’s not going to mind. You said so yourself, remember? When we talked about it in the beginning, we agreed on that.”

Armin mumbled something that might have been an assent and lifted his head as Jean went on.

“It’s certainly not the way I would have wanted it to go, but we can’t change it. In a way, we’re lucky it was her. It could have been anyone else. But it’s Mikasa. It’s okay. And we can even talk to her later about it, if you feel the need to.”

Armin looked horrified at the prospect but nodded anyway. He seemed to get some of his control back. “I’ll talk to her after the meeting.” He groaned again. “We were supposed to work, how am I going to explain that?”

_I?_

“Armin, there’s nothing to explain.”

Another groan.

“I know, but…”

“Do you want me to come? Or do you prefer to talk to her alone?” Jean asked cautiously.

The younger man seemed taken aback, then gave it some thought.

“I…I’m sorry but I think I’d prefer it if I could talk to her privately.”

Jean couldn’t deny he was slightly hurt at that. After all, they were both involved in this. His feelings must have shown on his face, because Armin added, looking uneasy:

“Jean, I’m sorry but… It’s not you, it’s… I don’t even know how I’m going to talk about it. It’s…It’s complicated.”

Jean was tempted to answer that this was precisely why being two could make it easier but the dread on Armin’s face made him decide not to. Besides, it was right that Mikasa and Armin always had had a peculiar relationship. The young woman was Jean’s comrade and he dared to say she was a friend, too, but to Armin she was more than that. She was the only family he had left. He could understand why he would want to talk to her privately. He gave a slightly annoyed sight.

“Okay. I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it.”

The relief on Armin’s face was enough to tell him it was the right choice, even if he didn’t like it as much as the other option.

“Thank you.”

Jean squeezed his hand gently as an answer.

There was a short moment of silence, which Armin finally broke:

“We should go see what the fuss was about before anyone else comes looking for us.”

“Right.”

* * *

During the entire meeting, Armin found he had trouble focusing on what was being said, despite its importance. His mind kept on going back on what had happened earlier and how he was going to manage talking about it with Mikasa. His eyes often wandered toward Jean and her.

A nagging, stupid, yet horribly insisting thought was eating at him. What if Mikasa _did_ mind? What if she was disgusted at him now? What if she despised him?

No. He knew Mikasa. She was not like that.

_You thought you knew Eren, too. What makes you believe you know Mikasa?_

No, it wasn’t the same.

And yet, Armin couldn’t help it. He knew it was irrational but the awful thoughts kept on coming back, taking his naturally anxious mind further down.

_She’s going to hate me for taking sweet time in such a moment._ He didn’t deserve it, after all. _And what if she tells someone, or lets it slip?_

_She could be angry. If only because I didn’t tell her. And she might leave me too._

And then he’d be alone.

Across the table, Jean’s gaze met his and he gave him an encouraging look. Armin tried to push the anxious thoughts back. He needed to listen. Later, later he’d face Mikasa. Whatever would come out of it.

* * *

Jean’s gaze kept on coming back to Armin. The young man didn’t seem well, so much so that someone had to snap his awareness back several times. He looked anxious but Jean couldn’t blame him for that.

Why did Mikasa have to walk in right at that moment? A minute later or earlier, and it would have been fine!

They had talked about it, Armin and him, when it had gotten more serious between them. They had agreed that it was better to keep their relationship to themselves. For various reasons, it was the more reasonable choice. Mostly, it was because it avoided problems. It wasn’t exactly that such relationships were forbidden, but they weren’t always well-seen. And even less within the military, were romantic relationships between members were strongly discouraged. Of course, it wouldn’t be the first nor the last time two people chose to ignore that and just enjoy a relationship, but it was best if kept quiet. The last thing they needed right now was people getting to talk about them. It might get them into trouble.

Both he and Armin had agreed their direct friends probably wouldn’t mind, but as for the other people… they couldn’t risk it. They weren’t exactly hiding it from their friends, but clearly hadn’t planned on straight out telling them either. Not now anyway, with all their current problems and worries that needed all their attention. Hell, they barely even had time to enjoy whatever was growing between them, and now…The way Mikasa had just found out was unnerving.

Jean hated that. Despite all the perfectly understandable reasons, he hated not being able to be open about it. Somewhere, deep within his mind, he sometimes entertained the thought that it might change one day, even if he knew there was little chance for it.

He felt someone’s gaze on him and looked around. Mikasa was staring at him. It was an intent stare, but lacking any other destinguishable expression. It made him uneasy. When she saw he’d noticed her, she gave what looked like a slight nod and put her attention back on the rest of the soldiers.

* * *

“Please. Don’t tell anyone.”

Armin heard the pleading note in his voice and hated it. He hated even more that the sentence had escaped him right after the door of the empty room had been closed behind them. It wasn’t at all how he’d planned on starting this.

Mikasa looked confused.

“About you and Jean? Why would I do that?”

Armin let out a nervous sound than leaned more toward a sob than the self-deprecatory laugh he’d aimed for. He felt the weight in his chest lift a bit. Before he could answer, Mikasa had come to stand in front of him and was watching him closely, looking concerned.

“Armin, why are you so afraid?”

He took one step back.

“Ah, I don’t, it’s just…I… I thought you…it’s stupid and horrible to think so but… I … sort of…couldn’t help it.” He looked at his feet, too afraid of the answer no matter how much the reasonable part of his mind screamed at him there was no reason to be frightened, too afraid of seeing the hurt in her eyes that he’d even think of her that way. “I couldn’t help it…Think that…maybe…after what you saw you…you might feel disgusted. Or hate me for it.” He swallowed.

“Armin.”

Mikasa’s calm voice cut through his anxious talk gently. Something in it made him look up as she put a hand to rest on his upper arm.

“Armin, there’s nothing to be disgusted about.” She paused. “How could I hate you for loving someone?”

There was genuine bewilderment in her words. Armin felt as if he could collapse with relief. Of course she didn’t mind. The reasonable part of him had known that, but hearing it was lifting a weight off his shoulders anyway.

“It was stupid, I know. But…”

The young woman shook her head. “There’s nothing stupid with being anxious Armin. It’s never stupid. It’s understandable.”

There was so much warmth in her eyes Armin felt tears he tried to hold back start to blur his vision. If she was hurt at him thinking that way, she was hiding it well. He confusedly felt Mikasa pull him into a light hug, muttering “It’s okay.”

“Th…Thank you.” It was all he could manage right now, hugging her back. A moment later, he added in a muffled voice:

“I’m sorry I even doubted you.”

“It’s fine. Sorry I burst in on you two like that.”

“We should have been more careful. We were supposed to work.”

Mikasa tightened her hug in answer.

“You _have_ been careful. I almost never noticed. I’m sorry that’s how you ended up having to tell me, but I’m glad you two have that, you deserve to take time for yourself. And Jean’s great.”

Armin froze in her arms, frowning, then took a step back, feeling all his anxiety flood back into him.

She _almost_ never noticed.

“You knew?”

Mikasa seemed taken aback for a second, then understood how he’d come to that. A somewhat abashed smile appeared on her face:

“The idea has occurred to me a few times.” She must have noticed the panic in his eyes because she quickly added “Not that you were obvious about it. But we’re close. I know you well. I watch over you a lot, we’re often together. There’s things I notice that others don’t.” She pressed his hand in hers. “That’s all. I wasn’t certain or anything, it’s just a thought that crossed my mind once or twice.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

_Does that mean Connie and Sasha could have noticed too? Crap._

“Then…why didn’t you say it?”

New surprised stare.

“Because it was none of my business.”

The flat affirmation and the simple acceptation it contained left him speechless for a second. She watched him closely as he struggled for words.

“Armin. Did you want to kiss him?”

He felt himself blush. “… Yes.” _Why are you asking that?_

“Then, that’s all I need to know. The rest is between you two only.”

For the first time in hours, Armin breathed more easily and his thoughts calmed down. It felt so good to be accepted like that. He hugged her again.

Later, as they left the room, her words still warmed his mind. “You deserve sweet time too.”

* * *

That afternoon, Jean was going back to his room, glad to be over with his day. He hadn’t been able to talk with Armin since earlier, but he’d seen him and noticed the young man looked far more at ease than during the meeting. He had felt a weight he hadn’t been aware of lift from the back of his mind. But he was eager to talk to him again anyway.

Jean hated having to hide his feelings from the others, but he couldn’t help but dread the consequences if it had to be known. Luckily for them, it had been Mikasa and not a random soldier. Well, a random soldier probably would have knocked instead of just bursting in like that.

That said, it was true Mikasa _was_ very protective of Armin. Especially since Eren had disappeared. She was wary and it showed. But it wasn’t exactly as if Jean was some random unknown dude either. She knew him. She was reasonable.

“Jean?” a voice interrupted his thoughts. Mikasa. What a great timing.

“Yes?” Jean answered, trying to sound casual. Had she been waiting for him? Not very reassuring. “What is it?” he asked as neutrally as possible.

“Sorry for earlier. I really shouldn’t have walked in like that.”

Not what he’d expected, but good to hear anyway. Jean managed a shrug that he hoped made him look a bit less nervous than he actually was.

“Just knock like everyone else, next time.”

“Yes.”

There was a second or two of uneasy silence.

“And? Are you going to kick my ass because of it?” He was only half joking.

Mikasa raised an eyebrow at that, looking a slightly confused.

“Why would I need to do that?”

Something in her voice and phrasing made it sound like a different question: _Did you do something that you would deserve a kicking for?_

“Ah, no, of course there’s no need to do that. It’s just that…Sorry to say it like this but when it comes to Armin, you sometimes act like an overprotective big sister. The kind that could punch her sibling’s new partner just because she didn’t like them. Or because she thinks they’re not good enough.”

She smiled and shook her head, her cheeks colored a little. “I don’t need to do that.” The sentence was simple, but the meaning it held went far beyond. Jean smiled back at her.

“I’m glad to hear that.”

* * *

In the evening, after having finally managed to get back to their room, Jean was putting away his stuff for the night when the door opened. Armin got in and silently threw his jacket on a chair and his shoes to the side before plopping himself down on his bed. Jean stopped rummaging in his stuff and, after a few seconds, came to sit beside the young man.

“Did it go well?”

At first, Armin didn’t answer, simply letting himself fall down on his back on the mattress and letting out a long sight. “Yes.”

“That’s great then. See, there was no need to worry.”

Jean rested his hand on top of Armin’s at the edge of the bed. Armin closed his eyes and went on in a tight voice:

“I feel so ashamed to have even doubted her.”

What could one possibly answer to that?

“There’s nothing shameful, Armin. We all have doubts. And what happened earlier didn’t help.”

A bitter smile appeared on Armin’s lips.

“Maybe.”

There was a heavy pause, then, the younger man added in a quiet voice.

“I didn’t think her support would mean so much to me.”

Mikasa’s words to Jean had also meant a lot to him, much to his surprise. Even if they didn’t need those words, even less her approval, hearing them was still very heartwarming. It felt good.

_We all want to be supported._

He absently started stroking Armin’s palm with his thumb. “I guess not being judged for who we are and who we kiss always helps.”

“Yes.”

Armin lifted his arm – the one Jean wasn’t holding – and covered his eyes with it.

“I don’t deserve a friend like her.”

He had spoken it so low Jean had barely been able to hear. Jean sighted inwardly, slightly annoyed. It wasn’t the first time that came up. He reached out toward the young man, aiming to pull away the arm that was hiding his face but stopped right before he touched him. Instead, he spoke as gently and firmly as he could.

“Armin... We already talked about that. It’s not about deserving or not deserving, it’s about caring. She cares about you. You two are so close because you both chose to, because it’s worth it. Because you love each other and bring each other what you need. That’s all.”

The arm had shifted a little and blue eyes were watching him. Not breaking the eye contact, Jean lifted Armin’s hand he’d been holding all this time and kissed it lightly.

“And…” he went on “It’s the same for us, isn’t it?”

Armin had let his arm fall away from his face completely and, after a few seconds, he smiled up at Jean “Yes.” He struggled to sit up while leaving his hand in Jean’s, then managed it. “I just can’t help thinking so, sometimes. But yes.” he breathed again close to him. “It is the same for us.”

Jean wanted to kiss him so badly.

“What is it?” Armin asked, coking his head to the side. Did he have any idea about the effect he was currently having on Jean?

“I was thinking that maybe we could pick up where we were interrupted…?” Jean suggested.

He could have sworn Armin’s breath had caught for half a second before his smile broadened.

“I was thinking about that too.”

“Well then…” Jean started sneaking an arm around Armin’s waist but was interrupted.

“Wait, let’s lock the door first.”

Jean didn’t think anyone would walk into a dormitory room like that but once was enough. Let’s not take any risk. He watched Armin’s back as the young man got up and closed the door. He stood up too and joined him. Armin must have heard him because he looked over his shoulder back at him and smiled.

Jean put his arm around Armin’s waist and pulled him into a close hug, kissing his neck. Armin chuckled and leaned into the embrace for a time. Then, he turned around to face him. His light fingers traced a line on the side of his partner’s jaw with a look that made Jean’s heart melt, then leaned in and kissed him.

Sighting happily, Jean enthusiastically responded to it, every other worry momentarily forgotten. Another kiss followed the first one, more intent.

And this time, they were not interrupted.

**Author's Note:**

> Did you ever have that kind on insisting thought you know is irrational, that you know has 95% chances of just being your mind overthinking ? I have and it’s absolutely awful. And you feel, so, so stupid when that irrational thought is proven wrong. That’s the kind of thing I wanted to show here.
> 
> Thanks for reading !


End file.
